I know I am bad...

Hello, it feels like it has been about a million years since I have posted. I feel bad and the longer it has taken me the harder it has been to get back on it.

I am currently at work so I won't be able to post any pictures and we will see how much I get to write but I figured I should get something down now and stop procrastinating. So Lindsay did make it home for Christmas!!!! Thanks for all prayers that went out for us, I truly appreciate it. We had a lovely Christmas that we spent with our families. My younger Brother was in from Hawaii and this time we actually got to spend time with him which was way nice. A few of my favorite gifts were a cool portable cabinet that is teal colored to help with some of my out of control clutter that I have going on in my oh so tiny house! Lindsay's mom made me an incredible wall hanging that has quotes on it from an excerpt that I wrote back in September for one of her Relief Society lessons. I had written a piece on what brings happiness into our marriage. I will take a picture of it and post it soon but it was awesome! I have it hanging proudly. Lindsay claims this was the best Christmas ever. He got some things that he really wanted but had never made a priority to get for himself, plus he was able to come home.

I cannnot wait for the weather to get better, we got some amazing hiking stuff and I got new pedals and shoes for my bike so I cant wait to try them out. The weather here has been like what I remember when I was a kid. It was great we got over a foot of snow one week and it was beautiful, not so much fun to drive in but gorgeous none the less. Today it is supposed to be about 20 degrees and we are dropping into the single digits at night, this is the cold I can't stand, when it hurts to breath outside. But hopefully not much longer before the sun comes out and thaws everything out and we can get outside to have fun. Lindsay since re-enlisting with the Air Force was able to receive a small bonus that was able to help us pay off a majority of our debt......I am so stoked about that. That is also why we were able to get some gear for ourselves.

I cannot explain the amazing feeling I get when it's just us and Boomer (although this year Lola gets to come along too) walking with packs on and having nothing but what is absolutely needed to survive. We get to talk with no distractions, we get to use our imaginations to entertain ourselves and be totally self sufficient, plus I always feel stronger spiritually while out with this beautiful earth that has been given to us. Boomer is adorable and stands as our guard, usually walking ahead of us and coming back closer when brush gets thick or he can't see us. He even packs in his own food and water, what amazing creatures dogs are. I can't wait to fit Lola for a pack once she has grown more.

Our new year was totally low key as usual, we went to a pilot's house with Alex and Haley ( Lindsay's brother and his wife) for a bit but they were getting a little wild and so we left and watched Smallville at our house until the new year rang in. Then we all crashed. I think this was the first year that we actually made it to midnight, I know we are like old farts.....but that is what happens when life is crazy and you get the chance to hang out.

Lindsay was able to complete his individual interview with our social worker and set up our home study for next week!!!! Can you believe it, we should be approved by the next week or so! It has taken us extra long for our approval. I thought when we first started that we would just whip it all out and get approved so that we could meet our little one. But it was just not that easy for us. We needed to deal with some of our feelings and learn more about adoption, we needed more confirmation that it was right for us, I needed to find out what was wrong with my body physically ( I still don't know, but at least I don't have a brain tumor anymore!), and I think we just needed to settle into doing this with the help of others. I have a hard time asking for help from others, I love to serve my fellowmen and don't even mind when others serve me, but it is when I need that help and nobody knows it that I struggle. I don't want to inconvenience others with my burdens. I guess I didn't truly realize that until just now that I am writing this but it's true. I know it's silly and I shouldn't feel that way, but I seem to think that I should be able to find a way to help myself or deal with it on my own.

But we are here and hopefully soon we will be in contact with the amazing woman that will forever have a warm impression left on our hearts. A woman who will bear for us physically what we can not, a woman so selfless and mature that she truly understands our Heavenly Father's plan for us. Man, if words could only express. I can't wait! I have enjoyed this journey as a whole, not necessarily all parts of it, but all of it none the less. I know that there have been times when there have only been one set of footprints in the sand with Heavenly Father carrying both Lidnsay and myself, I feel so blessed.

I feel so much closer to people around me, I feel like I relate more to those with lots of different trials, and I feel a love for my husband that has been there all along but now it just blows my mind. I wish I knew how to express what infertility and the adoption process thus far has done for our marriage.......I have no doubts that we can weather the storms of this life together, we can talk about anything and talk with each other instead of at each other, we understand each other and have better learned how to read the needs of one another. Wow, it's amazing!

Well I should get back to doing what I am paid to do here, that was a great break. And I will be trying to take more pictures soon and post some from the holidays. Talk to you all soon,

Sommer