confirmation

I just experienced something that confirmed my station as a mother and woman. You know those moments when you are young and dreaming of your future. The moments when you imagine sweet times with the children you dream of raising. The images are so vivid it's like you can see the snapshots in your mind of what is to come? I just made one of those snapshots come true to life and I couldn't feel more blessed or happy.

It was quite a simple moment (the best ones really!).....Erik has been sick the last few days with a fever and chest cold. His fever finally broke yesterday but he is still feeling very under the weather. His little motor body has been so ill he has been laying on the couch for two whole days with little motivation to do much more. Every time he tries he just comes right back to the couch and asks for me to sit with him. I have been happily obliging him, giving him all the snuggles and love I can manage knowing this span of time is so short. Well this morning he thought he was feeling better. He had been playing with toys a bit, we even got dressed today in the event of a possible outing to the park if energy levels stayed up (he has been asking to go out since he has been down) and then it all crashed. He started whining about everything but nothing was soothing him. I didn't want to get frustrated knowing that he was only acting that way because he didn't feel well...........so I did what I thought would help most even though he said no to me. I picked up on my lap, snuggled him in good and tight, turned all the distractions off and just sang to him. He calmed down immediately, relaxed, and we bathed in each others warmth and security. It was absolutely BLISSFUL! Brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I sang for about a half hour and finally laid him in his bed to get a good rest. I could have held him forever.

It brought on thoughts and confirmation that I am doing exactly what I should be doing right now in my life, attending to my son and raising him and showing him that I love him unconditionally. Sometimes I wish I would have held him even more as a baby. I was so afraid of him being spoiled and then only wanting to be held when he got older. He is a well balanced child but I only had that opportunity once, I wish I would have taken it more. My favorite times were the middle of the night feedings. Yes I hated getting woken up, and the exhaustion that comes with an infant but in those still and quiet moments were when our spirits connected the most. I felt that again today and I am so grateful! I need to try to remember these moments more in those heated moments when whining for no reason is neverending and tantrums are flaring, my patience is all but gone and I want to escape to a desert island just for a brief moment. Because these moments make it ALL worth it.

Dear Erik,
Today your little busy body calmed down enough to let me hold you and love you for more than a nanosecond. Today you let me sing to you even when it wasn't "sleep time." Today you reminded me of just how precious your life is. You are the most amazing little boy and I am so proud that I get to be your momma. Your dad has set a great example of what a respectful man and provider should be and I can't wait to see you grow and develop into one yourself.
All my love,
Mom