Our Family of Three

So this last week has had me thinking about adding to our family. Well ok, so I feel like I am always thinking about bringing another child into our family. One...because even though conception has yet to happen for me, each month I wonder..."will this be the miracle month?"....and then of course every notion comes crashing down and bam we start the cycle over. Another, I often wonder if Erik will be an only child and if so what is the best way I can parent him to turn out to be a well rounded and balanced person.

Over the weekend we got to spend time with Lindsay's family and Erik got to spend time with his cousins, one being a month old. Seeing him with that little one made my heart warm and yet break at the same time. Here he was offering kisses on a whim, trying to cover the infant with a blanket and asking to hold him. I couldn't have been happier to see him excited about a baby and yet it almost broke my heart to know that he may never get to do that with a sibling. That we may never bring home a little one explaining that he is the new big brother. With the addition of my adorable new nephew of course brought on conversation about Linds and I adding to our family. And since we are very open with anyone and everyone about our situation I spoke about how we would love to have more children but at this point we are planning on just Erik and if more come to us it would be an extra special bonus. We are not going to stop trying to add to our family yet (although we will most likely need to take a break while away because we can't adopt in Australia).

The truth is while its fun to imagine more kids, and we can hope, it's just too hard on my heart to expect or keep thinking something may be around the corner. A little while after our conversation my sister in-law told me that it was hard for her to here that we are just planning for Erik. I understand that and I know wholeheartedly that she understands us as well. I learned before Erik came along that when I could accept my future as it is, everything falls into perspective and is easier to handle. So for now I just imagine the three of us in the years to come.

But if another spirit finds their way into our arms of course we are prepared and willing to raise them with the same love we have for Erik.

A quote from Mrs. R from the R house sums it up fantastically...

Before we even started to entertain the idea that we would want to add more children to our family, I had to make sure I was okay with my family being the size that it is and not getting any bigger. If I didn’t, I think I would go crazy with all the emails and phone calls I get about possible adoption situations. It’s easy to write that down, but when I really stop and think about the fact that there are two women in this world that carried and had a baby and chose to place that baby in our home and the trust they have in us ...it seems totally unlikely that there would seriously be more women out there that would choose us. How could we be so lucky and so blessed more than two times? It blows my mind. But, maybe there is. And if there is, I will be thrilled. We would all be thrilled and overjoyed. But, if there isn’t, I adore my boys to the core of my soul and feel honored to be chosen to be their mama. I can’t emotionally spend their childhood thinking about another child that may or may not arrive into our home and hearts. I can hope, but I can’t be obsessed. For me, that meant being okay with where we are at and hoping for the best.

posted on therhouse.blogspot.com on Jan.13, 2011