is patience really a virtue?

I know that we are to learn throughout this life that it is better to wait for things that we want and need to have better appreciation for them and to learn other great wisdom. But I am telling you I am really really sick of being patient! I am helpless in the situation which makes it worse and I feel anger stirring, which I really don't want.

Erik's adoption was supposed to be finalized in August.......obviously that has come and gone. I talked to the wonderful court clerk who I am pretty sure knows me by name now because I call her that often to get updates and find out what is needed or going on and she tells me there is a chance that the adoption may not finalize until mid February 2010. WHAT?!!!! I felt tears welling up as I was put on hold so she could check on something for me. Now it's not for sure which is reassuring but with how our attorney's have been with us this whole time it wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if we have to wait until our son is over a year old for this to be done with.

You know I think one of the most frustrating parts is that we don't birth parents fighting us for custody or some of the other troubles that can happen with adoption but our birth parents are quite the opposite. The are both compliant and willing to do what is necessary to have Erik in our home. Haven't they gone through enough heartache and trouble for this to be drawn out. I can't imagine what it felt like for B when days after a wonderful visit to our house he was served with a court hearing because of logistics I don't need to get into. Seriously how would that feel? I can't imagine it felt great.

These are the days when I wonder why we have to be the couple to wait years upon years for our children to come to us, just to wait longer for him to legally be ours. I know some of you are thinking, it's just legal matters. But it isn't........I know he is our son, that he was meant for our family, and that he will always be a part of our family, but I am sick of explaining to people and having to bring paperwork to all professional offices proving that I have a right for him to be with me, that while his last name doesn't match mine but I am still his mother. And most of all I want more than anything for him to blessed in church and to be sealed to us in the temple.

At the end of the day adoption IS worth it, but still is a struggle. At the end of the day this little man..................................
..............................is most definitely worth whatever it takes and however long. Sometimes I just need to vent my airs. I can't believe I have the honor of raising this choice spirit of Heavenly Fathers. Because when it comes down to it, we are all God's children. I get to raise children here on earth, but we have the chance to return as brothers and sisters to him. This trial of mine will be with me for a long time. I know we are not done with adoption work. We plan to start the process over again when this is finished. You may think we are crazy, but if this is how we expand our family- then let's do it! We know we will and have relied on other's to help us with this journey and for that we are forever grateful. We know it takes a village to raise a child and we are proud to share him with friends and family. Off to kiss the little snookum's