anxious with emotions

today i am anxious. partly because i have a doctors appointment, partly because i am taking erik with me to my doctors appointment and mostly because i will be discussing issues with my doctor that are a part of my infertility. every time i visit with the doctor to discuss my infertility, medication, how everything is looking i get all nervous. sometimes more than others but my emotions are running high today.

adoption and infertility surround me everywhere. i love it and hate it. i love being a part of adoption, i love all the knowledge and insight i have gained, i am not fond of the roller coaster of emotions, or getting blindsided by them. i feel like this journey we are on has been great, ugly, miraculous, frustrating, and am coming to learn that i dont always feel like this journey has been a trial. sometimes........most definitely but other times i wish others could feel the miracle that has, is, and continues to happen in our home and family.

so today as i talk with her i am praying that i will feel a calm assurance and get my questions answered, that i will walk away with peace of mind and then as i drive home i will ponder on all of this and hopefully gain some perspective.

sweetness

these are a picture of some beautiful roses that the best man on earth gave to me last week. and these were taken five days later........i know these roses are seriously so great! it's been a week now and aside from a few petals that i have pulled off they still look good on our table. lindsay and i declared that monday to be "mushy monday" i told him on sunday that if we were really going to do it that there needed to be flowers and chocolate involved, and he pulled through! yes mushy monday is extremely corny but it was fun and every once in a while we get corny like that.

in other moon household updates......

many have asked me about dance- it is going awesome, every week I have more fun and can feel my body remembering things. i am no where near the best in class, but i think it may be safe to say that now i am not the utmost worst either. i have been working on my flexibility and am so close to have my splits on the right side! it feels good to be back in the studio and doing what i love! and my wonderful teacher has even said that my leaps look better. can't beat a great complinment!

adoption-looks like we will be waiting until early next year for the finalization to take place. it still is frustrating but i have found peace with it all. in the end we know erik will end up with us and that is what matters. he is such a sweet spirit and definitely has found his family through serious miracles. adoption has been such a blessing in our lives and i feel like i have gained some serious big picture prospective throughout the past five years.

linds and i - fabulous! i mostly mention this because my dad still asks me questions when i talk to him on the phone one on one like a fathers interview when i was growing up. and yes dad don't ever stop.......i love talking with you and getting that personal time with you whether in person or not. i love your perspective and knowing that you still care about me and look out for me even though i am married.

not much else has been going on, just prepping for the holidays.

last year on thanksgiving lindsay and i did not go home but went backpacking with one of our close friends to some hot springs.................it was great. it was totally untraditional which i think made it easy to not really compare to the traditional feast. it was our last turkey day without a child. it was fun times with matt and you couldn't beat the views, hot springs, the beatiful nature, and not to mention we didn't have to worry about black friday crowds or consumer chaos that ensues around the holidays. don't get me wrong i love shopping and doing those things, but last year was unique and one that can't be beat. i most definitely missed spending time with family but dont regret our decision in the least.

this year will be a bit different than normal but not like last year. i will indulge you after the holiday to share the details.

erik- i almost forgot to tell you........the little man has received his first tooth and the second one is breaking through, so cute!

nana's visit and so forth

As i said in that last post lindsay's mom has been down here helping me out and spending lots of great time with erik. it has been wonderful, help with chores, help with erik, and just can anything beat having family around? she has read lots of books and...............
on sunday she sunbathed while crocheting in the back yard which i thought was quite cute! up in washington temps have been low and we even heard of snow one day while she was down here. but here we have been having weather in the 70's which is perfect!

earlier this week we took erik to his 9 month well baby check and also had the doctor check out his cold and see what we could do to help him. he has bronchitis i think is what the doc said and said that he will most likely catch all the viruses this winter and have to be on a nebulizer throughout the winter until spring......yuck! he doesnt mind it for a bit but he doesnt like to sit there the entire time. he is 20 pounds (which i could of swore he was more) and a stinkin' 28 3/4 inches.....holy cow! he is average for weight but 78th percentile for height.
lindsay is home now...........thank goodness and erik wasn't quite sure what to think when linds came home. it has been about 3 weeks and when linds first walked in erik looked at me with a confused look on his face and wanted to see my reaction and of course i was happy. then when lindsay went over to get erik out of his high chair erik turned away from lindsay and hid his face in the side of the high chair. but after just a couple of minutes he remembered and realized who lindsay was and things have been happy since!

also this month is national adoption month. more posts to come on all that soon!

the itsy bitsy spider

erik was such a trooper for halloween. he is really sick with a chest cold and so we didnt actually go out, but he had the cutest costume so we dressed him up for a few minutes and took some pictures. i feel so bad for the little man........his voice is hoarse and he whimpers after he coughs every time like his throat is sore. poor little man. i am so glad that nana is in town though because otherwise i don't know what i would do, she has been our saving grace! she does what grandma does best and has been taking care of me and erik. she gives me breaks and is taking time to bond with little man which i am thankful for. she is a great example of time management.

i will let you in on a little secret. i am not the best housekeeper. i can keep things picked up but i have clutter tendencies and a serious lack of motivation to deep clean. i clean enough to not have our house be filthy gross but i am not as good as i could or should be but miss nana is a busy worker bee and helps me to see how to do everything.